My Name is Alice
by Twizardck
Summary: A girl wakes up in the darkness, not knowing where she is. She begins a journey to discover herself.
1. Prologue

I do not own Pandora Hearts in any way.

_ It's dark. So dark. I can hear screaming. Is that my screaming? No, can't be. I don't scream. I am - ? Wait, who am I? Where am I?_

The world is a dark void of screaming, painful black, water, and fear. It is a hard place to be born into, knowing only the very basics of your situation. Not knowing who you are or what you are doing here. Only knowing that there is power deep in the very heart of you, power that you cannot reach, for it is hidden. Aware only partially of another part of you, one that is alive and full of light. Knowing only that is a part of you that is no longer you. Knowing that it got taken away when you fell, and how had you fallen? You can remember nothing.

That is my being. That is me. Whoever I am.

I opened my eyes and found myself wet, covered in water. I could hear the cries of those who are scared, but for some reason, I am not afraid. I know that I am power itself. Nothing can harm me, not here.

But I do know that I want to leave. I want to know what I lost. I want to remember. For the only thing that can come to me, the thing that only can be heard if I block out everything else and look into the deepest, darkest depths of my soul, is a name. My name. And then when I return to the reality I have found myself trapped in, the word vanishes. I can't remember anything.

All that fills the empty days are the conversations with _her_. She seems to be trying to pull me closer, to get me to obey her. And she is so familiar. She seems almost like… me.

_"Come to me," she'll say._

_ "No. Not until you tell me."_

_ "Tell you what?"_

_ "Who am I?"_

_ "You are the bloodstained black rabbit. You are a chain. You are destined to serve me. Now, won't you come?"_

_ "You tell me nothing."_

_ "I tell you everything."_

When I'm talking to her it seems as if I am arguing with myself. She's inside of me. She's constantly pulling, constantly tugging, urging me to her side. But I feel nothing towards her but hatred. She hides who I am. And I don't know why.

Every once in a while another… chain crosses my path. They turn towards me. They look for a fight. I give them a good fight. They lose. They die. I go on.

All I know is that in order to find out what happened to me, I have to leave this place. I hear the others talking about humans. Contractors, they say. Humans that keep you alive while you are in their world.

They talk about eating other humans. About their contractors helping them catch humans, helping them feed. It makes me feel sick and terrified. When I hear these things, I search out those who speak them. I give them a good fight. They lose. They die. I go on.

Only one battle ever stood out to me. Another girl. She looked almost human, from what the others say. She looked almost like me. They say I look human. But they know I'm not.

She had been hungry. She had been thirsting for human blood. She called herself Yoshe. I watched her die, and as she slipped lower into the darkness of the world she turned her eyes on me.

"Who are you?" she asked as I returned to my normal form, devoid of my rabbit ears.

I paused, not knowing how to respond. Then just like that a name formed itself on my tongue. My name.

I looked at the dying chain. I felt her pain as she slipped, slipped, slipped. Then, just as she was about to fall all the way down, just before she was out of earshot forever, I responded in a voice that hadn't been used since I had been brought to this place.

"My name is Alice," I said.


	2. Chapter 1

Not all chains that I met were bad. Some were friendly. Some helped me, sympathized with me. But they were rare, and I couldn't trust most of the inhabitants of the world that I had found myself in. I always had to be ready to fight, ready to transform at a moment's notice, ready to reach down inside myself and pull up the power, blossom into the black rabbit that was so feared.

I was always running, never seeming to go anywhere. It was like being in a giant toy box. A giant, demented toy box. There were always screams. The place was always flooded. And every moment that I turned against her she seemed to try even harder to pull me back.

Every movement in the shadows could be sent by her to torment me. She knew what I was afraid of, and she used it to her advantage. I could always hear her laughter in my head. Always hear her words.

_"Oh Alice, Alice. You will come to me."_

_ "No! You are a liar and a horror!"_

_ "You do not know me."_

_ "And I don't want to!"_

More and more it felt like a fruitless argument against myself. Even the sympathetic chains didn't understand. When I told them about her voice, they would look at me in confusion. They had never heard such a thing, they would say. And then I would know that they served her the instant they fell. I was different. She hadn't been able to get me then. She wanted to change that now.

Running through the water, I could hear the splashes of footsteps behind me. I flung my hands out to my sides to run faster, mind streaming through countless aerodynamics. Despite my speed, I could hear whoever it was catching up.

"Wait! Don't run away!"

I turned towards the male voice, narrowing my eyes, checking the sounds. The noise didn't have an undertone of her soft voice, so like mine. It wasn't raspy like a chain's. It sounded… human. But that was impossible. I started running again.

"Why won't you stop? Please!"

I looked back again, now able to see the small figure. It was a boy.

"Please, I don't know where I am. I was falling, through the ground it felt. And then something stopped me. Rita kept going, but I stopped. I don't know where I am!"

He was really small, brunette like me with dull green eyes. His clothes were all torn. Through a rip I could see a strange clocklike mark.

I stepped toward him, wary. The mark made me nervous.

"Who are you?" I asked.

Glancing back at me, relief in his eyes, the boy smiled slightly. "Henry. Where am I?"

I stopped walking. He hadn't even asked my name. Over the days, however long it had been, everything ran together in the dark, I had said my name over and over again. Each time brought me a thrill of pleasure. A memory. The one thing I could remember.

But the boy was so young. I took another step closer. "From what I understand, this is the Abyss. The land of the chains. The place where humans are banished if they commit terrible crimes."

Henry's lip trembled. "I didn't do anything wrong. I was just helping Rita. Rita said that if I helped her she would make my daddy happy. Rita promised me that he would smile at me again."

I blinked. Rita. My mind flipped through the list of chains I had met. Had any of them mentioned a Rita? From what the boy was saying this Rita had tricked him into helping her feed. A surge of hatred blossomed heat through my body. She had used this boy.

"Henry, this place is dangerous." I tried to remember what the other chains had said. But all they ever talked about was getting a contractor. They never said anything else. "I don't know how you got here, but you have to get out."

He stared at me. "Get out? But what about the girl?"

Something flickered in my mind. "The girl?"

"She's been talking to me since I came here. Telling me to come to her."

Her. Something snapped inside my body and I unintentionally changed into my rabbit form. "No! You can't go to her!"

Henry backed up. "What are you?"

_I don't know!_ "I am the black rabbit." I could feel my eyes burning red. Everything was infused with the color. Henry looked like a sack of blood. Red. Terrible red. It burned his image into me.

"I need to go to the girl." Henry turned pale looking at me. I desperately tried to turn back, but it was like something had a hold on me. Somehow I knew it was her. I knew that she was using me to drive the boy to her. She needed the boy.

"Henry, don't go to her. She will bring no good to you." My voice came out raspy and dark. The voice of a chain. The voice of the worst kind of chain. A bloodstained chain. A chain that killed others without thinking about it or caring. I was truly the bloodstained black rabbit.

He backed away. Then he turned and ran. The grip on me released and I fell into my true form, coughing as I hit the water. I could hear Henry's footsteps as he ran away, but I was too weak to follow.

_"Thank you Alice."_

_ "I hate you."_

_ "You do not know me."_

_ "I don't want to. I don't need to. What are you going to do with that boy?"_

_ "If I change him he will be much more safe."_

_ "Who are you?"_

_ "I thought you didn't want to know."_

I curled up into a tight ball, ignoring the wet seeping into my red clothes. Red, like the blood on my soul. My very existence was my torture.

_"Alice, don't forget that I am always here for you," she said._

_ "I don't want you."_

_ "You will. I will show you."_

_ "I will never want you."_

_ "You will."_

Covering my ears, despite the fact that I knew it would do no good, I tried to focus on my goal. I would get out of this place. All I needed was a contractor. And if humans could be sent to the Abyss… All I needed was to wait for one who would make a contract with me. Someone who would allow me to move through the world and find my memories. I had no doubt that they could not be here.

_"I could help you."_

_ "Leave me alone."_

I pushed onto my knees and crawled to a dryer place. A white light. Perhaps a way out.

_"There is no way out for you. Not without a human."_

I continued onward.

_"Give it up Alice."_

I ignored the voice. I kept towards the light.

_"You keep going; it will be bad for you."_

My hand touched the light. My whole body froze. The light sucked me in and left me suspended in it, arms cradling legs, hair flying out. The light vanished. I remained suspended.

_"I warned you Alice."_

_ "What do I do?"_

_ "You wait. You wait to be called."_

_ "By what?"_

_ "I don't know everything, Alice."_

At least I knew that I couldn't be found here by the others. Closing my eyes, I decided for once to do what she said. I would wait. I would wait to be called. And when I was, I would be ready for anything.


	3. Chapter 2

Much of my time in that spot was spent talking to her. She never left me to myself. I kept my eyes closed, often sleeping, but even in my sleep she talked.

_"You must be firm, Alice. You must show who is the boss. You have inherited a great legacy. The black rabbit is the most feared chain. You must show yourself worthy," she would instruct. "You must make what you want known. You must allow no room for debate. You must march right up and demand what you want."_

I could slowly feel myself responding to what she said. I knew that when I was called I would be different. I wouldn't be the timid chain who knew only killing. I would be bold. I would hide my true, soft self.

_"As a girl, it is best if you chose a boy contractor. That's because you must exchange blood. It is easiest to do that kissing. Make him ask you. He must agree to the contract. Don't resort to petty tricks. That is for the lower chains. Don't lie to him. You know what you want. Make it what he wants too."_

I was learning. But I still knew nothing.

_"After you return to the Abyss, you must bring the boy to me."_

_ "Why?" I asked, curious to this._

_ "I can save him."_

She made no more illusions to what she meant by that.

As far as I could tell, nothing called me. I asked her time and time again what she meant by being called and what would happen. Every time she only said one thing.

_"It will call you out for a short period of time."_

I would yell at her and say that she was telling me nothing. And only then would she be quiet for a little bit.

But never for long enough.

_"You must make sure that you are ready for when you are called. Don't sleep through it. You may only get one chance."_

_ "Can you SHUT UP?" I screamed in my mind._

_ "No Alice. I need to help you."_

_ "Why?"_

_ "Because of who you are and who I am."_

_ "Who are you?"_

_ "I thought you didn't want to know."_

_ "I do now."_

_ "Well, now I don't want to tell you."_

I don't know how long I hung there, but I never got a cramp. Despite how I was positioned, legs folded up, arms stuck hugging them, I always felt at ease.

_"What happened to Henry?" I asked once._

_ "He got a contractor and is out right now."_

_ "But he was human!"_

_ "No one can stay human for too long here. It is too dangerous. And if they don't find their way to me, the atmosphere changes them. It is a lot faster and safer if they come to me."_

_ "I was already a chain though."_

_ "You were special, Alice."_

_ "Why? Why me?"_

_ "You will understand once you get your memories. That's what you want, right?"_

_ "Yes."_

_ "That's exactly what I don't want."_

_ "Then why aren't you stopping me?"_

_ "This is me stopping you. You would have already found a contractor if you had not gone into the light."_

_ "Then why are you telling me what to do?"_

_ "I have a connection to you, Alice."_

Somehow I felt like I understood. She couldn't leave me helpless. She was too like me. I was too like her. It was terrible and frightening and I wanted to be able to deny it. But from our conversations all I could get out from her was that we were somehow connected, through almost an invisible line.

It was terrifying that I knew instinctively that she could hear all of my inner thoughts. She would respond to them in her mocking, light way. She knew me inside and out. I didn't even know her name.

_"You can call me Mistress," she said once._

_ "Never."_

_ "But I am your mistress. Why deny it?"_

_ "You are not."_

After that, she seemed to exercise more of her will upon me. She could tug on my mind and force me to respond to her. She could to whatever she wanted. But she could not get me to call her Mistress. And that made her angry. It made her angry enough to shake the whole world. I became acutely aware of her power, not just over me, but over all that existed around me. She was the entity of this whole realm of being. The Abyss.

That knowledge made me long for my calling even more.

She promised me that I would know when it came. I found it hard to believe her.

The only thing I could move was my head. I generally had it tucked up against my arms, trying not to look around at the discarded toy box around me. The eyeless dolls. The broken smiles. I knew every inch of the Abyss, but not from my own wanderings of my beginnings here. It was all from her mind. The only things she let me see.

I could tell from it that the Abyss was a terrible place.

_"In the human world they say it is a prison for people who do awful things. Not too far off the mark."_

_ "What do you mean by that?"_

_ "Nothing Alice. Nothing is meant at all."_

All I knew was that the Abyss was my prison.

After days, maybe weeks, of listening to her and hanging above the water that made up the floor of the world, I felt a strange nagging at the back of my head. Slowly a tune began to come from the nagging. Music. A painstakingly familiar melody. But I could not remember from what.

I lifted my head and watched as a beam of light appeared. I could feel the hold that had gripped me in place slowly lessening.

There was laughter in my head.

_"Go then Alice, you are being called."_

I barely registered her voice.

"So… nostalgic," I whispered, straining to hear the sound. "It sounds like… like…"

_"A music box?" was her dry suggestion._

"Yes. A music box." The words sounded right on my tongue, and I realized that I had spoken aloud. I hadn't instinctively answered her in my head, as I normally would.

_"You're lucky. He's calling you."_ She sounded indignant, as if she was upset. It made a warm feeling glow inside of me.

"So, I'm being called?"

_"Didn't I tell you that?"_

My feet touched the water. I could hear the sound of the slight splash, but it felt miles away, drowned out by the music. I walked towards the light.

_"I'm not going to leave you, you know that, right? You go out. You find a contractor. But even while you are out of my world, you will always hear me. Just in case you were worried."_

"Get out of my head," I murmured.

She laughed.

Now standing directly in front of the light, I pushed my hand through, testing it. It felt warm. It felt alive. It made me want to run into it and forget all about this hellish place.

_"Remember what I told you."_

I pulled up her words grudgingly. Be firm. Demand what you want. Show them whose boss. Allow no room for debate.

Before I let the light envelop me, I pulled on a façade that would allow me to be all that she had said and more. I knew that she was right. I had to be more than I was in order to get what I wanted.

I put on a smirk and stepped through the light.

O.o.O

**Author's Note:**

Yay! This is the first time I get to answer questions in one of my stories! Or, I guess respond to comments.

**MirrorDede** – I'm glad you agree with Alice's mindset. Personally, I'm not going for just what is shown in the anime and manga, but rather for a deeper feeling and a deeper look. But it's always nice to know that people think I'm doing a good job. For the dialogue, if the words are italicized then what is happening is in her head and she is talking to the other Alice, or Alyss as she is more popularly called. If it is in regular font, then it is being said aloud and probably to someone else. So sorry that I didn't make that clear! And I agree with what you said about that paragraph. Huh. Need to fix that at some point…

**Ethereal Plethora** – Thank you! I hope that I won't let you down!


	4. Chapter 3

The light was power. It sent electric waves of dynamism into my veins as I passed through, changing my form into that of the bloodstained black rabbit as I walked. I felt air hit my face as I passed fully into the world of the humans. My scythe appeared in my hand, paw really, and links of chains wound their way around my general vicinity. I grinned as I realized this was my full power, that the Abyss had kept this from me. I was ten times stronger here.

I could see a large room and directly in front of my there was a blonde boy. He was bloody.

_She gasped. "It's him! Protect him Alice!"_

I focused more on the boy and realized that he wasn't alone. He was held in a death grip by a smaller male with black hair. This other was holding a knife drenched in blood and preparing to plunge it into the blonde one's chest again. I looked deeper into the black haired boy and could feel cold anger settle inside my chest. He was being controlled by a chain.

Without thinking about it I flung my scythe out, and I could feel a barrier break. The knife and its master tumbled away and the chain that had thirsted for the blonde boy's blood was pushed out of the puppet.

I was afraid. But I stood firm, knowing that I must protect the blonde boy. I could feel that he had been the one to call me.

I could now see figures in dark hoods farther away. A hissing sound came from their breath as they called out, "B-Rabbit!"

Ignoring them, I allowed my shape sink into my regular form, brown hair flowing out behind me. I breathed in and called up all that she had told me. "What? I don't bother with trash."

One, who seemed to be the leader, stepped forward and held up a sword. "Don't you dare get in our way again." His voice was calm and firm, completely unafraid. It was annoying.

_"What do they mean, again?" I asked her._

_ There was a laugh that sounded ominously giddy. "I told you! The black rabbit has a wonderful legacy!"_

_ "Great. More things I can't remember."_

_ "Oh you'll be fine. Let me talk through you for a while."_

_ "Fine."_

I pulled out of our conversation, feeling an inward change as she prepared to talk through my mouth. As long as she talked, I could concentrate on not quivering visibly.

"Get in your way?" I felt my lips move, heard words that were not mind come out. It made me almost groan. She was more powerful than I had thought. "I just did you a favor! I stopped that kid for you. You could have done nothing."

_"Use the boot!" she hissed inside to me. "I can't control your motions!"_

I kicked out my leg, letting my white boot hit the back of the blonde boy. "But if this is what you mean, you can't have this boy. He's mine."

"Wha – what?" coughed the boy. He sounded more scared than I felt.

Her words continued to tumble out, making me sound haughty and sure of myself. For once I was grateful to have her in my mind. She could be helpful sometimes. But I still hated her control. "As of now you are. So shut up." I allowed my attention to be drawn back to the hooded humans. "So this is mine. If you want him, you'll have to go through me."

I felt my shape waver as I prepared for battle, turning back into a rabbit. Power welled up, exhilarating and terrifying. The chains links that had appeared when I had arrived in this world started to move, sharp ends appearing.

"How dare you!" one cried. "It is not your place to interfere, chain!"

Something dirty nudged at the back of my mind, anger fierce and ugly. "It is not my place? Know _your_ place!" That time the words were fully mine.

We fought, somehow ending up outside. They were better than the other chains, but limited by the boundaries of a human body. Because I was bored I let them think they were winning against me.

_"Don't be so sure of yourself, these are not chains!" she screamed at me._

_ "Shut up. This is not your world." I growled. "From now on I will talk for myself."_

_ "You cannot control me. I will do what I want."_

_ "I have control over myself. I will talk."_

I kept on the offensive, looking forward to stunning them later. Yes, they were better than chains, but they were still weak. It was pathetic.

_"Alice, end this, they mean nothing! You need to protect Jack!" The fear in her voice was wonderful._

_ "I don't know a Jack."_

I fell on my back, bored, but the hooded people thought they had won. "It isn't that powerful. Let's end this."

Opening my red rabbit's eyes, I flung my chain links towards them, watching their faces change and legs run. "I'm bored. I really thought that you would be better opponents," I commented. I let the chains wrap around the legs of one of the men, then pulled them back and watched him fall. "Did you really think I would be that easy to defeat?" I stood and sliced my scythe through a turret that another hooded man was standing on, then smashed him through a window just before he fell.

I followed them back into the building just as the black haired boy stirred. I laughed as I pointed my scythe at the men then let it fall to my side, sinking into my regular form. "I won't kill you. You want to bring that brat into Abyss, right?" I jerked my head towards the blonde boy.

He gasped, the sound ragged and frightened. "But it is just a myth!" He quivered. I felt so sorry for him that I almost took back what I said and slashed through the hooded men with my scythe anyway. But I needed a contractor.

Instead I laughed harder. "He will be mine! Dance, dance! You ignorant fools!" I pranced over to the boy, my mind clear and calm, completely unlike the crazy I was showing.

Through the corner of my gray eye I watched the small black haired boy grab the robe of the leader of the men I had fought. I listened as he asked what his master had done to deserve this, and remembered what she had said about the humans calling the Abyss a prison. The blonde boy screamed out a word, Gil. He was calling the black haired boy Gil. This Gil boy kept tugging on the cloak until a bolt of lightning – I hadn't realized it was raining out there when we had been fighting – showed the man's face. Gil froze and the man drew his hood lower.

"You… you are…" Gil's voice was hoarse and unbelieving.

The blonde boy stood, shaking, and grabbed a sword that for some reason had just been lying on the floor. He ran towards the man screaming "GIL!"

Gil stepped in front of the man and cried out, "NO master, this man is…"

And the sword cut through the black haired boy. The blonde one looked up and backed up, shoulders shaking. He fell to his knees and a scream of pain rang out.

"What a work of art," I commented.

The man that Gil had protected turned around, lashing out with his weapon. "Leave!" he cried.

My eyes narrowed as I felt the energy that had been sustaining my power while I was in this world start to dwindle. "Fine," I replied. Before I allowed myself to be drawn back into the world of shadows and water I went back to the blonde boy and wrapped my arms around his shaking figure. "I'll be waiting for you," I whispered. "I have finally found my key."

And with that I allowed myself to be enveloped by the Abyss once again. I found myself facing the light, only the slightest sound from the other world coming back.

_"Jack…" she said softly._

_ "No," I replied, listening to the last words I could hear from the human world. "Oz Bezarius."_


End file.
